Category Archives: Coping

Art Therapy

Sometimes when a kid has parents who are going through a divorce, the adults in his life decide that he might benefit from art therapy. What is art therapy, you ask?  By one definition, it is: the therapeutic use of art making, within a professional relationship, by people who experience illness, trauma or challenges in living, and by people who seek personal development. Through creating art and reflecting on the art products and processes, people can increase awareness of self and others cope with symptoms, stress and traumatic experiences; enhance cognitive abilities; and enjoy the life-affirming pleasures of making art.

Using our own definition it is: the third most fun type of therapy for children after candy-eating therapy and playing video games therapy. We know, we know. You probably think this is dumb. But that’s only because every art teacher you ever had in school was a stupid jerk. Just like the librarians. But if you really think about it, maybe there are benefits to a kid getting out some feelings by putting crayon to paper. This got us thinking: if kids can do it, why can’t we? As adults, we are much better at drawing than stupid kids are! So we decided to try some art therapy ourselves.

Jeanne’s Art

What I'd like to say about my art: I wanted to draw an angry bear, so I did. I wasn't really sure why. In the end, I think the bear represents me.  There's also a bird. The bird is just a bird, though.

What I’d like to say about my art: I wanted to draw an angry bear, so I did. I wasn’t really sure why. In the end, I think the bear represents me. There’s also a bird. The bird is just a bird, though.

Jessica’s Art

What I'd like to say about my art: My ex husband was actually much taller than me, and he never wore hats.

What I’d like to say about my art: My ex-husband was actually much taller than me, and he never wore hats.

The Verdict: We don’t feel any different at all. But we did completely waste three minutes of our lives.

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Relaxation Technique: Breathing

  1. Inhale slowly and deeply through your nose, filling your abdomen. Pause briefly and exhale through your mouth, making a quiet whooshing sound like the wind as you blow gently out. Your mouth, tongue, and jaw will be relaxed. Focus on the sound and feeling of breathing as you become more and more relaxed. As you become more relaxed, gather up a frying pan, butter, bread, and cheese.
  2. Place the pan on the stove over medium heat.
  3. Lightly butter one side of one piece of bread and put it on the heated pan.
  4. Next, place your desired quantity of sliced cheese on top of the bread. Butter one side of a second slice of bread and place it (buttered side out) on top of the cheese right away.
  5. You may wish to cover the pan to help the cheese melt. Also, keep breathing.
  6. Wait one minute and check to see if the bottom slice of bread has browned.  When it has achieved a light golden brown color, you may flip the sandwich over and cook the other side.
  7. Remember, the second side will cook faster because the sandwich knows how much you want to eat it.
  8. Keep breathing the air.
  9. When the second side has browned, you may remove it from heat, place it on a plate, and cut it diagonally, but not horizontally.
  10. You may now eat your grilled cheese sandwich and discontinue breathing.

    grilled cheese humor

    It kind of looks like… a sandwich.

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Improve Your Mood

When you’re newly single, it can be hard to maintain a positive outlook. Breakups take a lot out of you. It’s normal to feel depressed sometimes. But it’s important not to let the depression take over. You need to keep living life and doing things that you enjoy. You  might even think about taking up a new hobby. (Note: stalking your ex on facebook is not a suitable hobby.)

Gardening, on the other hand, is a wonderful hobby. Real actual studies have shown that  gardening can improve your mood, reduce stress, and even encourage a more hopeful outlook on life.

One study found that participants who spent 30 minutes gardening reported improved moods, while participants who stayed inside reading felt more stressed out. So there you go. Gardening = YAY!  Reading = BOOO!

Gardening is good for the environment and it’s good for you.  So if you’re feeling down, give it a shot. Oh, what? You’re too busy? Doing what? Going on dates? LIAR.

 

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Reinventing Yourself After Divorce

Going through a breakup is hard. It’s easy to feel like you’ve lost your whole identity when you lose the person who was such a big part of your life. So what better time to make some changes in your life and reinvent yourself?

reinvent yourself

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Holidays: Tips For Coping

In your post-divorce life, holidays can be rough. Here are some tips for coping with the holiday blues.

HALLOWEEN:

Eat a lot of chocolate.

THANKSGIVING:

Try giving thanks because you have a second chance at happiness. And if that doesn’t work, eat a lot of mashed potatoes.

CHRISTMAS/HANUKKAH:

Start some new traditions. Like eating mashed potatoes.

NEW YEAR’S EVE:

Eat some mashed potatoes?

VALENTINE’S DAY:

Eat the free samples of chocolate-dipped strawberries they’re giving out at the grocery store, because, come on, you’re not made of money.

EASTER:

Eat SO MUCH chocolate followed by a sensible portion of mashed potatoes.

FLAG DAY:

Enjoy flags like you always have.

All you need is flag.

 

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Crying: A Guide

While mourning your failed marriage/relationship, you’re going to find yourself crying a lot. Especially if you’re a woman. This is a fact. We’re all (both) women here at Everyone Gets Divorced and we’re just speaking from experience.

Real Things That Have Made Us Cry:

1. Being out of raisin toast.

2. Reading Wikipedia summary of The Velveteen Rabbit.

The point is, you’ll probably cry even more when you’re going through a big breakup.

Places You’ll Cry:

  • Your car: This is a great place to cry. You’re alone with your thoughts. You can listen to tunes.  And if you get pulled over, you’re already crying, so it might just save you a ticket.
  • The shower: I think we can all agree, this is the BEST place to cry. It’s very dramatic. It’s literally cleansing. And it just feels right. Like you’re washing your hair with your own tears.
  • Work/school: This can be embarrassing. You don’t want a bunch of people seeing you cry. You’re not one of those people. But it happens. Sometimes it happens just because you’re trying so hard to not let it happen. The upside is, your boss or teacher or someone might ask what’s wrong and if you just cry at them enough they’ll probably tell you to go home. Because people hate watching you cry.
  • Bed: This is by far the most pathetic place to cry. You should just get up and get in the shower.
  • Wal-Mart: You’re shopping for a new spatula because SOMEONE took yours. Now you’re crying in Wal-Mart. You’re probably just overwhelmed by the low, low prices/terrible labor record, depending on your politics.
  • The grocery store: You see that Cheerios are on sale and you reach for them. Then you realize that you don’t eat Cheerios. Your ex did. Now you’re crying. Try and pull yourself together. Remember, they sell booze here too. (If not booze, then Nyquil.)
  • Your favorite restaurant: You probably went there a lot, together. Just the thought of getting that table for one sets you off. You should probably find a new favorite restaurant. Or at the very least, get your food to go. Then you can take it home and work on a system that allows you to eat in the shower.
  • IKEA: Don’t worry about it. Everyone cries in IKEA.

 

 

Art

One of the worst things about any kind of breakup is all the feelings. They’re everywhere and they’re gross. So what do you do with all these useless feelings?

ART.

As we understand it, art is created by expressing complicated feelings. Also, it doesn’t even have to look good. In fact, art that looks good isn’t even really ART.

Anyone can do it!  Just look!

divorce humor

Katy and Russell, 2012
Sharpie markers

funny divorce blog

Pain (A Heartbreaking Work of Staggering Turkey), 2012
Colored Pencils

So give it a try. And remember. The uglier, the artier.

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