Have you ever heard that the amount of time you need to get over a relationship is the amount of time you were IN the relationship, divided by 2? It’s the kind of stupid math that you’ll hear from women’s magazines and unhelpful friends who read women’s magazines.
But whoever these foolish mathematicians are, don’t listen to them. You’ll be over a relationship when you’re over it. Not when MATH tells you that you are. It just doesn’t make any sense. To prove that this math doesn’t make any sense, here are some equally helpful equations.
If you lose your job…
# of years you worked at the job / 4 =
the length of time that is respectful to wait before getting a new job
If your television breaks…
# of hours of cop dramas you watch in a week X 6 =
# of days you should wait before buying a new television
If you drop an ice cream cone on the ground…
# of minutes you spend crying about your ice cream + 10 =
# of minutes you must grieve before getting a new ice cream cone
*If you did not cry at all, you are a monster and you may have only raisins for dessert.
Sadly, if you lose the head to an electric toothbrush, you’ll never really be ready to replace it, thereby dooming you to a life of manual teeth brushing.
Everyone Gets Divorced 