Recipe: Strawberry Rhubarb Crumble

Here’s a great summertime recipe, perfect for anyone going through a rough patch in their life. Not only is it delicious, but it’s loaded with depression fighting agents!


3/4 Cup flour (optional)

1/2 Cup rolled oats (optional)

1/3 Cup  packed light brown sugar (optional)

1/2 tsp salt (optional)

1/4 Cup butter, melted (optional)


1 LB rhubarb, trimmed, cut into 1/2 inch pieces (optional)

1/2 LB strawberries, cut into quarters (optional)

2 TBSP flour (optional)

1/4 Cup port wine

1/3 Cup cane sugar (optional)

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. If you are opting to make the filling, in a large bowl, toss rhubarb, strawberries, flour, port wine, and sugar. Transfer this mixture to a greased, deep pie dish.

2. In order to ensure that the crumble does not get to have all the fun, pour 1/2 cup of the remaining port wine into a juice glass, or any vessel that you have handy. Drink it up. Quickly now!

3. If you feel like making the crumble topping, combine flour, oats, brown sugar, salt, and butter in a small bowl. Use a fork to mix and stir until crumbly or whatever.

4. Sit on your couch. Refill glass of port wine as needed. Contemplate whether you’ll be alone forever. Text a friend and ask them “Do you think I’m just meant to be alone forever?”

5. Sprinkle the crumble topping evenly over the fruit mixture.  Bake at 375 degrees for 35 to 40 minutes. The topping should be golden and you should be half drunk. Cool before serving.

Looks delicious.

Note: Ingredients are optional, only if your goal is to get drunk without producing any kind of crumble.
Note:  If that is the case, any wine, beer, hard liquor, or cough medicine can be substituted for port wine.



One thought on “Recipe: Strawberry Rhubarb Crumble

  1. You should definitely have your own cooking show, ladies! I’m off to pour, I mean make, me some right now!

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