So you’re getting a divorce. We anticipate that you might have some questions about your upcoming un-nuptials, or maybe even about us. Here are some common questions, with some very scientific answers:
Q: What if I don’t have enough money to get divorced?!
A: NO ONE HAS ANY MONEY.
Q: But who are you? Why do YOU know so much? How do you know I’ll be OK?!
A: We’re the internet. And as you well know, the internet is always right, and knows everything. Granted, we aren’t Wikipedia, but we ARE prettier than Wikipedia. You’ll be OK because we say you will, and we’re the internet, and the internet is always right and knows everything. *logic*
Q: But what will my parents think?
A: Your parents are dead.
They’ll get over it.
Q: Everyone will think I’m a failure!
A: First of all, this isn’t a question, but a statement, so we are sorry that our educational system has failed you. Secondly, you’re only an automatically assumed failure if the scores of awesome divorced people are failures too. Do you HONESTLY think that J-Lo is a FAILURE? We didn’t think so.
Q: What about my dog? Will I get to keep him?
A: You will keep that dog. Oh yes, you will keep that dog. But, please be prepared to have a frank and honest discussion with your dog about why he or she will have a new daddy soon.