Monthly Archives: March 2013

Let’s Get Real

There are a lot of “facts” about divorce.  These facts are usually boring because we didn’t make them up.  They use research and numbers to make you feel bad about yourself.  But we’re going to get real with you.  We’re going to explain one of these facts, using “realness.”

FACT: Living together before marriage increases the likelihood that you will get divorced.

GETTING REAL:  Who doesn’t live together before getting married these days?  Nuns? Ok, that doesn’t make sense.  But the people who don’t are usually creepily religious and/or overly concerned about their public image. So if they’re unhappy, instead of suffering the judgement of God/public shame of getting divorced, they will just suffer through their horrible marriages, which skews the statistics. They’ll stay married, but they’ll also do stupid things like take ballroom dancing classes and fight about taking ballroom dancing classes and talk about how much they love their sweetie pie and their ballroom dancing classes on Facebook (lies) and probably abuse prescription painkillers.  But, yes, they’ll stay married!

ballroom

He’s not trying to dip her – she’s just had one too many Vicodin.

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Why Do Leprechauns Get Divorced?

We talk a lot about human divorce on this blog. And public opinion tells us that we talk too much about duck divorce.  But in honor of the upcoming holiday, we’re going to answer the burning question that we assume is on everyone’s mind: WHY DO LEPRECHAUNS GET DIVORCED?

leprechaundivorce

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Word of the Day: Rags

RAGS

noun

  1. Any lingerie purchased for wedding day/night.
  2. Any lingerie purchased for pretty much the duration of your failed marriage.
Usage:
  1. “What’s in this box?”  “Don’t open it! It’s full of rags!  Here. I’ll just burn them.”
  2. “I’m almost done with my spring cleaning.  I just need to burn this disgusting box of rags.”
everyone gets divorced

I guess I’ll just donate these rags to that high school’s car wash.

Art Therapy

Sometimes when a kid has parents who are going through a divorce, the adults in his life decide that he might benefit from art therapy. What is art therapy, you ask?  By one definition, it is: the therapeutic use of art making, within a professional relationship, by people who experience illness, trauma or challenges in living, and by people who seek personal development. Through creating art and reflecting on the art products and processes, people can increase awareness of self and others cope with symptoms, stress and traumatic experiences; enhance cognitive abilities; and enjoy the life-affirming pleasures of making art.

Using our own definition it is: the third most fun type of therapy for children after candy-eating therapy and playing video games therapy. We know, we know. You probably think this is dumb. But that’s only because every art teacher you ever had in school was a stupid jerk. Just like the librarians. But if you really think about it, maybe there are benefits to a kid getting out some feelings by putting crayon to paper. This got us thinking: if kids can do it, why can’t we? As adults, we are much better at drawing than stupid kids are! So we decided to try some art therapy ourselves.

Jeanne’s Art

What I'd like to say about my art: I wanted to draw an angry bear, so I did. I wasn't really sure why. In the end, I think the bear represents me.  There's also a bird. The bird is just a bird, though.

What I’d like to say about my art: I wanted to draw an angry bear, so I did. I wasn’t really sure why. In the end, I think the bear represents me. There’s also a bird. The bird is just a bird, though.

Jessica’s Art

What I'd like to say about my art: My ex husband was actually much taller than me, and he never wore hats.

What I’d like to say about my art: My ex-husband was actually much taller than me, and he never wore hats.

The Verdict: We don’t feel any different at all. But we did completely waste three minutes of our lives.

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