Category Archives: Telling People

What About the Kids?

It’s one of the greatest concerns for couples contemplating divorce.  What about the kids? Should we stay together for the kids?  There’s no easy answer.  But the answer is no. You need not stay together for the kids.  Even if you read a really idiotic article on say, The Huffington Post, that says getting a divorce will ruin your children’s lives.

Getting a divorce is never the ideal situation.  You didn’t plan on it.  But it does happen.  A lot.  But you’ll survive and so will your kids.  We’re not suggesting that you shouldn’t try and make your marriage work for the sake of your family.  But sometimes, it’s not a matter of trying.   Don’t beat yourself up over it.

We know it hurts.  We’ve heard the stories.  “My kids cried all night!”  “The kids were furious with me.”  “They will never forgive me!”

But look at it this way.

Kids are jerks.

No, we know. You love your kids.  They’re precious. They make life worth living.  But we’re here to say, that they can still be real jerks.  Some of the authors of this website will admit to being a real jerk up to the age of 25. At least.

So, sure, if you decide you need to separate or get a divorce, your kids will be upset.  But kids get upset all the time.  You can wait. You can wait until they’re out of the house.  But guess what?  They’ll still be upset.  Isn’t it better to get that upset out of the way earlier?  And maybe by the time they’re nice, reasonable adults, they’ll have stopped being upset.

So don’t feel like a terrible person if your kids cry when you tell them the news.  To put it in perspective, here are some other things that kids cry about.

why kids cry

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What Happened??

The most common question you’re going to get when going through a big breakup is: “What happened?”

For some reason, everyone is shocked when any couple splits up. Like it’s something they’ve only seen in the movies. They need answers! But the truth is, it’s usually hard to say what happened. Relationships are complicated, unless you’re in 6th grade. And even if you are in 6th grade, it can still be hard to pinpoint exactly where it went wrong.

I don’t know. I mean we both liked Austin Powers. And we had talked on the phone every day after school this week. He sat at my lunch table. But then on Friday, he was acting all weird and then Nicole came up to me at recess and told me that Anthony didn’t want to be my boyfriend anymore.” (Based on a true story.)

So it’s never really an easy explanation. But here at EGD, we want everything to be easy.  So here are some simple answers to that dreaded question.

Q: “What happened??”

A: “He left me for Angelina Jolie.”

Q: “What happened??”

A: “We could not agree on the pronunciation of pajamas.”

Q: “What happened??”

A: “She decided she didn’t want to be a citizen after all.”

Q: “What happened??”

A: “I’m not sure. But some girl at recess just told me he didn’t want to be my boyfriend anymore.”

Q: “What happened??”

A: “Our names both start with the same letter so we couldn’t find a way to combine them to make one of those “celebrity couple names.”

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Dating: How To Tell Someone You’re Divorced

When you begin dating, you might wonder when and how you should tell your date about your sordid marital past.   Don’t worry about it.  It isn’t hard to tell someone you’ve been married or divorced (probably both).  It will come up.

Real advice: Just mention it and move on.  You’re even allowed to joke about it.  There’s nothing wrong with keeping it light. And your date will find you more attractive because you won’t be putting them in an uncomfortable position.  Also, because being divorced actually makes you 33% more attractive.

WHAT YOU CAN SAY:

You’re divorced (no kids):

“I was married once.  It didn’t take.”

You’re divorced (with kids):

Bring up kids. “Do you want kids someday?”

(If they say yes):  “Me too. Also today.  Because I have some.”

(If they say no):  “Me neither.  But I have some.”

You’re divorced (a few times):

Just list “getting divorced” among your hobbies.

Ex. “I like pottery, horses, reality TV, and divorcing.”

You’re divorcing (but still technically married):

“By the way, I’m still married, but that should be cleared up in a few months.”

You’re on your honeymoon (not going well):

“Well, I have to do this couple’s massage with my husband/wife at 3.  Want to meet for a couple’s massage at 5?”

“These are good mozzarella sticks. More flavorful than the ones at my first wedding.”

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How Do I Tell My Family?

Many people feel anxiety over telling their families about their divorce. It’s bad enough to break the news to one person. Depending on the size of your family, you could be looking at a whole lot of talking. And no one wants that. You’re a busy person. Here are some easy, time-saving ideas for telling your family about your divorce.

  • Bring your new boyfriend to Thanksgiving.
  • Bring your new boyfriend to Christmas.
  • Bring your new boyfriend to your family’s annual Flag Day party.
  • Bring your new boyfriend to your nephew’s baptism.
  • Bring your new boyfriend to your cousin’s wedding. (When you RSVP, write “new boyfriend” as the name of your guest.)
  • Ask your new boyfriend to email your family and tell them for you.

Or just tell everyone that your husband was eaten by a hippopotamus.

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Fun With Euphemisms

It can get old telling people that you’re divorced.  Try having some fun with these clever euphemisms.

  • I’m between marriages right now.
  • We’re doing some matrimonial restructuring.
  • The positions of “husband” and “wife” were eliminated.
  • I’ve been relieved of my marital duties.
  • We decided to take things in a different direction. Away from being married.
  • My husband went to live on a farm with a nice family.

People React: What They Really Mean

When you tell friends and family about the demise of your marriage, or any serious relationship, you’re bound to hear a variety of reactions. But sometimes, you need to read between the lines. Assuming you’re not very good at reading between the lines, we’re just going to tell you what people are actually saying to you.

They say: “Maybe you should give it some time.”

They mean: “Your wedding was very expensive.”

They say: “Oh my god! Seriously?? I can’t believe it!”

They mean: “I saw this coming.”

They say: “Hey, these things happen.”

They mean: “THANK. GOD. You’ve come to your senses.”

They say: “Oh.”

They mean: “I’ve known that he/she was cheating on you for some time.

They say: “No, don’t say that. You guys will be fine.”

They mean: “I’m in a committed relationship and I don’t like hearing about this because I think breakups are contagious.”

They say: “Ohhhhh, so… is it… was he…. what happened?”

They mean: “So he’s gay, right?

They say: “Are you sure?”

They mean: “You are not as attractive as your significant other, so you may want to reconsider breaking up.”

They say: “So, are things really weird between you now?”

They mean: “I’ve invited you both to an upcoming event and I don’t want to have to un-invite one of you.”

I’m trying to decide how your divorce affects me personally.

Divorce Announcements

It can be hard telling everyone that you’re getting divorced.  Wouldn’t it be easier if we could just send out announcements?  Guess what.  Now you can.  Here are some ideas.

divorce announcement

divorce announcement

divorce announcement

divorce announcement

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