As you know by now, February is the most popular month for divorcing. So what are you waiting for? Oh, that’s right, you have a bunch of lame EXCUSES. Well, guess what – we don’t accept your excuses. Watch how we use our tough love magic to turn your excuses into a pile of garbage.
“I’m scared.”
Scared? What are you, some stupid baby? Everything in life is scary because it ends with you dying. You know what’s scarier than getting divorced? HOUSE CENTIPEDES? But you know what is less scary than house centipedes but more scary than getting divorced??Being miserable YOUR ENTIRE LIFE and then dying STILL MISERABLE.
“I don’t want to hurt her.”
Oh. Right. Because you’re SUCH a prize. How selfless of you to worry about HURTING her. That’s probably why you stay up late every night so you can Facebook chat with that girl you dated for 4 months in college. How NICE of you to let her stay in this pain-free sham of a marriage.
“I want to wait until the kids are 18.”
GOOD IDEA. They’ll definitely turn out perfect this way. And everyone knows that everything that happens after you turn 18 has no impact on the rest of your life. Good thinking.
“Maybe things will get better.”
They won’t.
“But it’s almost Valentine’s Day.”
“But I work for her father.”
“My in-laws will hate me.”
“We have too many mutual friends.”
Just let them go. You really only need one friend. Surely you can snag ONE FRIEND from the bunch. Or maybe you can’t. In which case, don’t you have any COUSINS? Sheesh.
Everyone Gets Divorced 
Hilarious!!! I need more funny shit in my life today 🙂
maybe things will get better, they won’t! haha love this and it’s so true!
Thanks! We’re really good at advice.