Category Archives: Vocabulary

Word of the Day: Rags

RAGS

noun

  1. Any lingerie purchased for wedding day/night.
  2. Any lingerie purchased for pretty much the duration of your failed marriage.
Usage:
  1. Someone else: “What’s in this box?”  You: “Don’t open it! It’s full of rags!  Here. I’ll just burn them.”
  2. “I’m almost done with my spring cleaning. I just need to burn this disgusting box of rags.”
everyone gets divorced

I guess I’ll just donate these rags to that high school’s car wash.

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Word of the Day: DEAD

DEAD

adjective

1. a word that describes what happened to your spouse when you’re not in the mood to explain your divorce/separation

Usage:

  1. “Where’s your husband?”
    “Oh, he’s dead.”
  2. “Where’s your wife?”
    “Well, she couldn’t make it, because she’s dead.”
  3. “Are you interested in taking a couples’ cruise in January?”
    “I think we might both be dead by then, but thanks.”

 

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Word of the Day: Perfect

PERFECT

adjective

  1. Seemingly normal and occasionally happy.
  2. Horrible.
  3. The way every couple in the history of the world has been described by someone at some point.

Usage:

  1. “Mitch and Corey are so perfect for each other.”
  2. “I love how Mitch and Corey have nothing in common–they’re a perfect couple.”
  3. “I don’t know Mitch and Corey, but I once saw a picture of them where they were both sort of smiling.  Seems like the perfect relationship.”

 

 

 

 

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Word of the Day: FRIENDS

FRIENDS

noun

  1. lovers

Usage:

  1. “My ex-husband told me he was friends with the brunette at work.”
  2. “What??? I’m not allowed to have FRIENDS now???”
  3. “I started making a lot more friends after the separation.”
everyone gets divorced

This duck got divorced after he became friends with his personal trainer.

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Word of the Day: Counseling

COUNSELING

noun

  1. Drinking to excess

Usage:

  1. “I found out my wife was cheating on me, but ever since I started counseling, I’ve been feeling a lot better.”
  2. “I’m doing counseling 4 days a week now.”
divorce jokes

Counseling, mid-session.

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Word of the Day: Trial Marriage

TRIAL MARRIAGE

noun

  1. A marriage that lasted fewer than five years.
  2. A marriage greater than five years, but that was intended as a warm-up.
Usage:
  1. My dress is ivory this time. I wore white at my trial marriage.
  2. Did you hear? Katie Holmes is ending her trial marriage to Tom Cruise.
  3.  “Have you been married before?” “Well, yes, technically, but it was really more of  a trial marriage.”
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An Ex By Any Other Name

Do you ever get tired of saying “ex-husband” or “ex-wife?” It’s so boring, isn’t it? Well, we think it is. That’s why we came up with some good alternatives. Use them. Expand your vocabulary. It’s fun and it amuses us.

  • Former mate
  • One-time spouse
  • Temporary companion
  • Short-lived husband
  • Makeshift wife
  • Partial life partner
  • Ex-roommate
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Word of the Day: Allergies

Allergies

noun

  1. A good explanation for watery eyes, red nose, hoarse throat, and emotional outbursts when you don’t feel like discussing the miserable state of your personal life.

Usage:

1. “Are you crying?”

“Oh no, it’s just these damn allergies.”

2. “You look terrible.  Are you okay?”

“I’m fine – I’ve got really bad allergies.”

3.  “Why are you attacking that car with your purse?”

“Allergies.”

 

 

Word of the Day

Garbage

noun

  1. Anything in your possession that once belonged to your ex, regardless of value.

Usage:

“This candle is garbage.”

“These DVDs are garbage.”

“These mittens are garbage.”

“This bow tie is garbage.”

“This food processor is garbage.”

“This spear gun is garbage.”

“I’m going to put this garbage out with the garbage because it’s useless trash.”

 

 

 

 

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WORD OF THE DAY: Used to

USED TO

phrase

  1. an auxiliary used to express a loss of property, resulting from a breakup, without explicity referencing said breakup
  2. also applies to (embarrassing) activities and behaviors that existed in a past relationship but do not continue into the present

Usage:

“I used to have a pizza stone.”

“I used to have the complete series of The Wire on dvd.”

“I used to take salsa dancing.”

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