Tag Archives: predictors of divorce

Divorce Predictors

You have probably seen numerous articles about the # 1 predictor of divorce. But all of these articles are wrong. Or to be more specific, they all give different examples of the # 1 predictor, and we know very well that there can only be ONE true #1. (Except in the case of EGD, where both Jessica and Jeanne are #1.) Some of the alleged #1 predictors are:

1) A habitual avoidance of conflict: These don’t even sound like real words to us.

2) Overuse of “You” language, plus directives: Here are two examples of what this means: You should pay attention. Or, “You are not good enough.” So I guess what we’re saying is, if you want to stay married forever, you should replace those phrases with: “Someone should pay attention…not naming names…but someone in this room…who is you.” And, ” Sometimes people are not good enough. This is one of those times. And it’s you

3) Frequently invalidating each other’s feelings: Ok, ok. We can see how that might lead to divorce. But what are you supposed to do if your wife’s feelings are always stupid and dumb? What THEN?!

4) Differing values around money: Hm. It’s hard for us to wrap our minds around this one. Are there people out there who don’t think money is the most important thing in the entire world? Really? Shut up! That’s crazy.

5) Cold feet: Here they mean, if the bride or groom wasn’t that sold on having the  wedding in the first place. This seems obvious. If you can’t even get excited about a fun party night with alcohol, then it’s going to be pretty tough to stay excited about a lifetime of nights on the couch eating Fritos and flipping through the Netflix menu.

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Seems legit.

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Eye Rolling and Other Bad Signs

Studies have shown that eye rolling is one predictor of divorce.  So if you roll your eyes while your spouse is talking, or vice versa, that’s probably a bad sign for your marriage.

But it’s not just eye rolling you need to be on the lookout for.  Here are some other negative interactions that could point to trouble in your relationship.

THINGS IN ADDITION TO EYE ROLLING THAT YOU SHOULD NOT DO WHILE YOUR SPOUSE IS TALKING:

  • Twirl pointer finger in a circle at temple, i.e., make international ‘cuckoo’ sign
  • Cover your ears and hum/loudly speak gibberish
  • Answer pretend “phone call” and proceed to have a long conversation with what sounds like a lover while really only holding your own hand to your ear
  • Tie an imaginary noose
  • Pantomime vomiting
  • Induce real vomiting by ingesting harmful chemicals
  • “Call” poison control on aforementioned “hand phone”
  • Die, because you can’t really call poison control from your hand

“Hello? No, no, I’m not busy. Just listening to some boring weirdo yammer on about something or other.”

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