Category Archives: Right?

Divorce Predictors

You have probably seen numerous articles about the # 1 predictor of divorce. But all of these articles are wrong. Or to be more specific, they all give different examples of the # 1 predictor, and we know very well that there can only be ONE true #1. (Except in the case of EGD, where both Jessica and Jeanne are #1.) Some of the alleged #1 predictors are:

1) A habitual avoidance of conflict: These don’t even sound like real words to us.

2) Overuse of “You” language, plus directives: Here are two examples of what this means: You should pay attention. Or, “You are not good enough.” So I guess what we’re saying is, if you want to stay married forever, you should replace those phrases with: “Someone should pay attention…not naming names…but someone in this room…who is you.” And, ” Sometimes people are not good enough. This is one of those times. And it’s you

3) Frequently invalidating each other’s feelings: Ok, ok. We can see how that might lead to divorce. But what are you supposed to do if your wife’s feelings are always stupid and dumb? What THEN?!

4) Differing values around money: Hm. It’s hard for us to wrap our minds around this one. Are there people out there who don’t think money is the most important thing in the entire world? Really? Shut up! That’s crazy.

5) Cold feet: Here they mean, if the bride or groom wasn’t that sold on having the  wedding in the first place. This seems obvious. If you can’t even get excited about a fun party night with alcohol, then it’s going to be pretty tough to stay excited about a lifetime of nights on the couch eating Fritos and flipping through the Netflix menu. Actually, that sounds pretty good. Nevermind.

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Seems legit.

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How Times Change

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The Hardest Thing About Being Divorced

A lot of times, I like something, but I don’t feel that strongly about it. Like, say, having lasagna for dinner. So if you say to me, “Do you want lasagna for dinner or would you prefer something else?”

I want to go, “Well, lasagna sounds good, but I’m not married to it.”

divorce humor

I will always love lasagna. Until I don’t.

It can be confusing.  Because as we all know, you can marry lasagna. And then you can decide to unmarry it.  And now that phrase doesn’t even make any sense!  Do you want lasagna or not?

It’s tough, you know?

Books About Divorce That We Would Want to Read

There are a lot of really boring and unappealing books about divorce. We would never read these books. But here are some books that, if they existed, would probably be more entertaining.

  • Chewing Gum and Other Suitable Replacements for a Spouse
  • Eating Pizza For One
  • Dissolving Your Marriage: Just Add Gin!
  • Cloudy With A Chance of Divorce Showers
  • One Fish, Two Fish, Red Fish, Divorced Fish
  • The Divorced Girl With the Dragon Tattoo
  • The Seven Habits of Highly Divorced People
  • Eat, Drink, Love (to eat frozen pizza)
  • Extremely Loud and Incredibly Divorced
  • Tales of a 4th Grade Divorcee

They sound good, right?  Personally, I’d love to curl up in bed on a rainy day with Tales of a 4th Grade Divorcee.  I bet it really puts things in perspective.

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