Splitting Up Mutual Friends

If you’ve been in a relationship for a long time, you undoubtedly have a lot of mutual friends. But when “you, the couple” ceases to exist, where do your friends go? Are there rules for who gets who?

Well, not really. But we made some up, so you can use these if you want.


You can claim a friend if:

  • you work together.
  • you attended high school together.
  • they were the best man or maid of honor in your wedding.
  • you own or owned any “best friends” jewelry or accessories together.
  • they never liked your spouse/boyfriend/girlfriend anyhow.

*Note: If you and your ex work together or attended high school together, friends are traditionally awarded on the basis of gender. Ladies take ladies and men take men.

But what about the friends that belong pretty equally to you both?

Well, this is where it gets tricky. You probably have a lot of friends who you met at the same time and who, for some reason, like both of you. For these friends, there are a few options:

  • Neither of you gets them. This option applies mainly to your “couple friends” who only liked you because you were another couple they could have dinners or board gaming nights with.
  • Divide them by gender. Once again, ladies take the lady friends and men take the men friends. (This is not a good method for same sex couples.)
  • Give them time. Your friends probably don’t want to be caught in the middle of this whole thing. Sometimes you just need to  cut your friends a break and leave them alone for a while. Refrain from calling them up to cry/whine/complain about your breakup. (This is a good method for lazy/antisocial people.) And if it turns out that your ex is being pathetic and insufferable, this almost guarantees that those friends will eventually get sick of it and gravitate toward you.
  • Hold a competition. You and your ex stand side-by-side. Each of you holds a treat and claps, snaps fingers, or calls the friend’s name. Whoever the friend goes to first gets to claim that friend. (This method works best for dog friends.)
divorce humor blog

It might not feel like it now, but you’ll find someone else to play Bananagrams with.


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