Disposing of the Evidence (Part 1): The Dress

Here at Everyone Gets Divorced, we take the “moving on” process very seriously.   By that we mean, seriously, you don’t need a box of old wedding stuff in your closet.   Now we’re going to persuade you to get rid of it so you can get on with your life and subsequent marriages.

THE DRESS

If you’ve ever watched anything on TLC, you know that the most important part of any wedding is the dress.

everyone gets divorced

Everyone! Out of the way! The dress is getting its picture taken!

You probably spent more time thinking about the dress than the person you were marrying.  Oops! On the other hand, you probably liked the dress more than the person you were marrying. So we understand that saying goodbye to this dress can be tough.

Well, life is tough.

HERE ARE YOUR OPTIONS

Selling it:

In theory, selling your dress is one option.  But in the world of wedding gowns, “worn only once” is not that great a selling feature.  For normal clothes, being worn only once is pretty close to being brand new.  However, for wedding gowns, the average lifespan is one wear.
This is not to say that you can’t sell it.  Although the longer you were married, the less likely it is that anyone is going to want your dress.  You’ve seen wedding dresses from the 80’s, right?  No one wants to look like that now.  Well, maybe, for some sort of ironic hipster wedding.  Call it “vintage.”

However, if your marriage was of the short-lived variety and your dress is still reasonably in fashion, you’ve got a better chance.  But remember, you’re not going to get what you believe is a fair price.  Nothing about this is fair.  Also, when selling it, make sure you don’t let on that your marriage ended.  People seem to think that’s bad luck.  Be sure to write your Craigslist ad in the tone of a happily married person.

*Fun idea*

If you find yourself unable to sell it, consider trying it on to see if you’ve gotten fat since your wedding. You didn’t? Great! Celebrate and have an egg roll! You did? Hit the gym, doughball!

Trashing it:

If you just want to be rid of it, you have two quick and easy options.

1. Shove it in a garbage can.
2. Lay it neatly ACROSS a garbage can so that your neighborhood and sanitation workers can appreciate its beauty one last time.

Giving it Away:

Perhaps you have a friend who is getting married.  And she happens to be the same size and height as you.  And you know her marriage is doomed anyway.  Offer your tainted dress to her.

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2 thoughts on “Disposing of the Evidence (Part 1): The Dress

  1. Melissa says:

    Two more ideas:
    Idea#1
    I wore mine the following Halloween, one month after I left him, as a costume.
    I used white make-up to look dead, a old lace table cloth I fashioned into a cape of sorts, a telephone cord I wrapped around my neck and some fake blood.
    I was a dead bride, the reason it didn’t work out was because of communication problems.
    I won a prize where I worked for the digs.

    Idea#2
    A friend of mine did a photo shoot with hers on where she quickly found a muddy swap and plunged in dress and all. The photos are wonderful and very poetic.

    Both ideas are very therapeutic.

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