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Divorce Math

Q: Now that I’m divorced, I feel like I am less desirable to the opposite sex…am I?

A: Oh my. We didn’t really want to answer this question, but I think we have to. To put it bluntly, yes. But it’s not because there is some terrible stigma with divorce these days. There isn’t. Too many divorced people exist to truly have a high quality stigma associated with it. Maybe a mini-stigma, more along the lines of having ADHD. (Note: Everyone has ADHD.) How much less desirable you are can be discovered through a simple desirability math equation. We know, we know. Math is the worst. But just suffer through this with us.

Let’s imagine that people of average desirability are 10’s

Start at 10

Subtract 1 point for being a divorced MAN.

Subtract 2 points for being a divorced WOMAN. (Sorry ladies. We’re just being real with you.)

Subtract 1 point for every child you had with your Ex-Spouse.

Subtract 1000 points if you whine and cry every day about being divorced.

Subtract 1,000,000 points if you ever use the following phrases:  “Ever since the betrayal”…”I’ve found it just impossible to breathe these days”…”Coping with the loss”…. “My divorce journey…”  

Fear not, you can get some points back:

Add 1 point if most people would describe you as “fun-loving”. 

Add 2 points if you have a perfectly symmetrical face, like Halle Berry.

Add 3 points for being one of the only 30% of Americans who are not classified as overweight.

Add 1,000,000 points for being rich.

Add 1,000,000,000 points if you’re Halle Berry. 

Image

Twice divorced, still desirable.

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