Making Friends Post-Divorce

When you find yourself single again, part of the crippling loneliness you’ll experience is due to the fact that you have no friends. And even if you do have friends, you’re probably going to need more friends because you’re depressing and needy and you’re going to wear those friends out pretty quickly.

People always say things like “‘I’m so lucky because I married my best friend,” as though it’s a GOOD thing.  But here’s a tip for next time around – avoid marrying your best friend at all costs.  It’s much better to have a best friend who is incapable of divorcing you.  When you’re going through a painful breakup, you’re going to want a best friend that can come over for dinner, and go to the movies, and listen to you cry, and bring you Sour Cream & Onion Pop Chips.  And in all honesty, you might not have a best friend like that, because you were too busy being best friends with that person you married. You probably have a couple pretty good friends and some acquaintances, but it’s not enough.   And no one is bringing you Pop Chips.

Now, unfortunately, you may have to be in charge of getting your own Pop Chips.  And after you do that,  it’s time to stop feeling sorry for your sad, sad self.  You just have to get out there, and start making friends.  IT IS HARD.  Because you are an adult.  And making friends as an adult is HARD.   So here are some tips.

How To Make Friends, As An Adult:

  • Sign up for an improv comedy class – You will either make a couple of friends or, if nothing else, learn that you do not know how to pantomime mopping a floor.  And that’s a valuable self realization.
  • Just go to law school – You probably don’t want to be a lawyer, but did you know that 90 percent of students enrolled in law school are only there because they don’t know how to make friends in a non-academic setting?
  • Learn to play tennis – If you can play tennis, there are always weirdos on Craiglist who are looking for random tennis partners.  If you already know how to play tennis, you sound very cool and probably have lots of friends already.
  • Start taking one of those silly fitness classes – Like the one where you dance around and hump the air a lot.  Zumba?  I don’t know. I’ve never done it, but all I’m saying is I’ve seen those classes and I’m pretty sure that most of those people have no friends.  So they’re in the same boat as you.

So to answer your question, “How do you make friends once you’re an adult and you’re not in school?”  You don’t.  You can only make friends if you are being instructed to do something.  So get out there.  Be taught.  And make some friends who you do NOT end up marrying. For the love of God.

everyone gets divorced

Part of the healing process.

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6 thoughts on “Making Friends Post-Divorce

  1. DivorcedAndLovingIt says:

    As one of my friends who is divorced shared with me: husbands come and go, but your girlfriends are the ones who really get you through! My ex would never have offered to go for drinks, watch Magic Mike, and then provided Graeter’s black raspberry chunk ice cream. Glad he’s gone!

  2. Andrew Moore says:

    Ha! DivorcedAndLovingIt- the final straw for my marriage, after moving from LA to my ex’s small hometown, was when I told her I wished we had more couples nights instead of her just having girls’ nights. She told me her friends were not my friends and never would be. Any spouse, regardless of gender, can be a shitty friend. And a shitty spouse.

  3. joanne caradonna says:

    Funny how it is consoling to hear that it is definitely hard to make friends , as an adult . ( Hearing this , validates the fact that I am not a freak of nature ) . I use to think that on a regular basis but then I tapped into a similar idea . I joined on on-line facebook page and met people with similar interests and values . It really opened up my life (both on-line and in the real world) and it seems the more bread you cast out there on the water , that more comes back to you .
    Since making friends , as an adult really is hard , it’s best to do your very best to go about this in a low key fashion .It’s easier on you and also , easier on those you are attempting to be-friend . ( Nobody is attracted to desperation ) . You really do have all the time you need to develop friendships in a natural , unfolding way .
    I must admit that I am presently married … though, I am single in a very real way since my husband works mid-nights and we really are two ships passing in the night . Frankly,there is so much divorce , on both sides of my family , that the possibility of it , feels pretty real to me … even though , my husband and I have a pretty cool connection … MOST of the time 🙂
    Here’s a cool tip, I heard the other day . If you are moving to another city , get to know some of the locals through social networking , before you get there . ( Beats starting off “cold turkey” , in the friendship department ) .
    Question : Was the idea of going to Law School for real ?? (Dry humor can be hard to get on the net .

    • fancytramp says:

      We’re glad to hear that we were able to show you that you are not a freak of nature (at least in the friendship sense).

      As for the law school thing, I (Jessica) actually started law school the same year I got divorced. In my experience, it was an excellent way to meet a bunch of people when I might have otherwise struggled to make friends. However, I would caution against this as an actual solution to friendlessness because while you might leave law school with some good pals you will also leave 200,000 dollars in debt and unemployed. Instead, consider taking a pottery class.

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