Category Archives: Recipes

Recipe: Italian Wedding (Divorce) Soup

Today we bring you a recipe for Italian Divorce Soup.

INGREDIENTS:
1 tablespoon olive oil (optional)
1 cup minced yellow onion (optional)
1 cup diced carrots (optional)
3/4 cup diced celery (optional)
8 cups chicken stock (optional)
1/2 cup dry white wine
1 cup small shell pasta (optional)
2 teaspoons dried basil (optional)
12 ounces baby spinach, washed and trimmed (optional)
16 ounces frozen meatballs (optional)

1. Heat the olive oil over medium heat in a large soup pot. Add onion, celery, and carrots, if you feel like it. Saute until softened, if you want.
2. Next, you can add the chicken stock, basil, and wine. Bring to a boil, or don’t.
3. Now that you’ve opened that wine, pour yourself a glass. You could also add the pasta to the broth, but you don’t have to.
4. As the pasta cooks, enjoy your wine, and your freedom. Enjoy the shit out of it.
4. If you’re still making soup, add the meatballs to the pot and simmer for 5 minutes. Add salt and pepper to taste. Add wine to your glass.
5. Stir in the fresh spinach and cook for 1 minute, until the spinach is just wilted. While you’re waiting for the spinach to wilt, feel free to refill that glass of wine.
6. Ladle into a bowl and sprinkle with grated Parmesan. Enjoy with wine.

The secret ingredient is being drunk. (Shhh!))

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Recipe: Strawberry Rhubarb Crumble

Here’s a great summertime recipe, perfect for anyone going through a rough patch in their life. Not only is it delicious, but it’s loaded with depression fighting agents!

Topping:

3/4 Cup flour (optional)

1/2 Cup rolled oats (optional)

1/3 Cup  packed light brown sugar (optional)

1/2 tsp salt (optional)

1/4 Cup butter, melted (optional)

Filling:

1 LB rhubarb, trimmed, cut into 1/2 inch pieces (optional)

1/2 LB strawberries, cut into quarters (optional)

2 TBSP flour (optional)

1/4 Cup port wine

1/3 Cup cane sugar (optional)

1. Preheat oven to 375 degrees. If you are opting to make the filling, in a large bowl, toss rhubarb, strawberries, flour, port wine, and sugar. Transfer this mixture to a greased, deep pie dish.

2. In order to ensure that the crumble does not get to have all the fun, pour 1/2 cup of the remaining port wine into a juice glass, or any vessel that you have handy. Drink it up. Quickly now!

3. If you feel like making the crumble topping, combine flour, oats, brown sugar, salt, and butter in a small bowl. Use a fork to mix and stir until crumbly or whatever.

4. Sit on your couch. Refill glass of port wine as needed. Contemplate whether you’ll be alone forever. Text a friend and ask them “Do you think I’m just meant to be alone forever?”

5. Sprinkle the crumble topping evenly over the fruit mixture.  Bake at 375 degrees for 35 to 40 minutes. The topping should be golden and you should be half drunk. Cool before serving.

Looks delicious.

Note: Ingredients are optional, only if your goal is to get drunk without producing any kind of crumble.
Note:  If that is the case, any wine, beer, hard liquor, or cough medicine can be substituted for port wine.

 

 

Cooking For One

A lot of people find that dinner time is when they miss their ex the most. It can be hard to adjust to eating alone. Don’t even google “cooking for one.”  It won’t make you feel any better.

As we see it, the smarter (and easier) solution is to stop eating dinner.

You already had breakfast and lunch. Isn’t dinner just greedy?

Here’s a quick and easy dinner alternative.

Personally, I like to use peanut butter. But you can use any nut butter. Not sunflower seed butter though. That is gross.

After opening the jar, I like to use a teaspoon to eat the peanut butter. I find it helps monitor your butter intake.

If you don’t have a teaspoon lying around, that’s fine. Any small spoon will do. You can also use your finger. Or a pen. Any kind of stick, really. Get creative! Cooking should be fun.

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