Category Archives: Facts

The Worst State

We’ve already told you about the best state for getting divorced. New Hampshire is over there, (up there?) practically BEGGING you to end your marriage. But what about the flip side?  What’s the worst state for getting a divorce?

divorce humor

Vermont. FIGURES.

That’s right. Don’t listen to Ben and/or Jerry. Vermont is a horrible place that wants you to be miserable. The minimum processing time for a divorce in Vermont is 450 days. 450 days?!!! By our math, that’s even more than a year. (Don’t hold us to our math.)  And they have a bunch of other annoying things like mandatory separation and waiting periods before the divorce can be FINAL.

Which brings us to our point. MAPLE SYRUP IS THE WORST.

YES, YES. It’s FINE on pancakes. SURE.  But god.  Other than that, what’s the point?

REASONS WHY WE HATE MAPLE SYRUP, AND THEREFORE, VERMONT:

1. It’s so STICKY.

2. It’s just too STICKY.

3. Have you ever accidentally put your elbow in maple syrup? That’s the WORST.

4. Your hands get sticky.  And then you’re really no better than a toddler.

5. TOO SWEET.

So, thanks for nothing, VERMONT.  Not only do you make it really hard to get a divorce, but you make our hands sticky.

(By the way, if you’re currently unhappily married in Vermont, you might want to consider telling your spouse that you’d be interested in making a move to New Hampshire. We hear it’s nice.)

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Best State For Getting Divorced, Best State Overall

The U.S. is a strange place in which to live. We’re really kind of obsessed with ranking our states. For everything. Which state is the fattest? Which state is the fittest? Which state eats the most Spam?

But you can be fat or fit or spam-eating in any state. However, if you want to get a divorce, location matters. So where’s the best place to get un-hitched? Well, according to Bloomberg Rankings, it’s New Hampshire.

Depending on where you live and (where you’ve gotten divorced) you might not even realize what a colossal pain in the tits filing for divorce can be. Many states have annoyingly long waiting periods and high filing fees. Not New Hampshire. For a couple hundred bucks and no minimum processing time, you can have yourself a divorce in New Hampshire. Don’t live in New Hampshire, but wish you did? No problem. You can pretty much just show up in New Hampshire and file for divorce the next day.

What a state!

So today, we’d like to pay tribute to the magical place that is New Hampshire.

OTHER AWESOME THINGS ABOUT NEW HAMPSHIRE:

1. The state insect of New Hampshire is the ladybug. As far as insects go, that’s pretty good.
2. The inventor of Tupperware is from Berlin, NH. His name is EARL TUPPER.
3. The first European potato in the U.S. was planted in New Hampshire. WE LOVE POTATOES.
4. Our drunkest and handsomest president hails from New Hampshire. That’s right. The dashing, the inebriated, Franklin Pierce.
5. And most importantly, the first government-run state lottery was held in New Hampshire. To lottery!

In short, if you’re thinking about getting divorced, you should probably move to New Hampshire. And if you’re not thinking about getting divorced, you should probably move to New Hampshire.

divorce humor

Party time. New Hampshire style.

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Myths About Divorcées

There is something horrible and unappealing about the word divorcée. A divorcée is, of course, a divorced woman. Is there an equivalent word for a divorced man?  Yes.  Apparently it’s divorcé. But you never really hear that, do you? That’s why I had to look it up just now. Personally, when I hear the word divorcée, it brings to mind an image of some dour, chain-smoking woman holding a glass of wine and taring out a window.  And THAT image brings to mind someone who teaches 4th grade and I HATED my 4th grade teacher.

But is it true? Are divorcées so horrible? We’d like to think not. That’s why we’re going to dispel some unflattering myths about divorcées.

MYTH 1:  Divorcées drink a lot of white wine.

FACT: Divorcées drink a lot of everything. Most anything you put in front of them, really.

MYTH 2: Divorcées are angry.

FACT: ALL WOMEN are angry. Have you ever met a woman? Was she angry about something? Exactly.

MYTH 3: Divorcées spend a lot of time smoking and making horrible analogies for relationships.

FACT: Nope. Common misconception. You’re thinking of Sarah Jessica Parker’s character on Sex in the City. And you’re right. She is horrible.

MYTH 4: A divorcée’s tail is about half as long as her body.

FACT: Nope. Common misconception. You’re thinking of tigers.

divorce blog funny

Not a divorcée. But she is separated.

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DIVORCE MYTHS AND FACTS

DIVORCE MYTH #1:  50 percent of all marriages end in divorce.

FACT: Bananas are naturally radioactive.

DIVORCE MYTH #2: Couples who live together before marriage are more likely to get divorced.

FACT: A banana is actually a BERRY.

DIVORCE MYTH #3: Police officers are more likely to get divorced.

FACT: A cluster of bananas is called a “hand” and a single banana is called a “finger.”

DIVORCE MYTH #4: Second marriages are more likely to fail than first marriages.

FACT: Uganda has the highest average rate of banana consumption per person.  The average Ugandan eats 500 pounds of bananas in a year.

DIVORCE MYTH #5: America has the highest divorce rate in the world.

FACT: Americans eat more bananas than any other fruit.

Turns out, facts about bananas are a lot more straightforward AND interesting than facts about divorce.

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