Revising History

In your post-spousal life, one of the best things you can do is master the fine art of “revising history.” Moving on is much easier if you can train yourself to talk without constantly mentioning your ex.  One argument is that it’s perfectly natural to talk about someone who was a big part of your life, even if that part of your life is over now.  Another better argument is that no one wants to hear about your ex.

Revising history is easy.  Here are some examples to get you started:

You’re used to saying:  “My husband is a Type 1 diabetic.”

Change it to:  “I once knew someone with Type 1 diabetes.”

You’re used to saying: “We had the best cupcakes at our wedding.”

Change it to: “I’ve been to weddings where they had cupcakes.”

Jessica went gambling in Reno. Alone.

You’re used to saying: “We went to Hawaii on our honeymoon.”

Change it to:  “One time, I went to Hawaii.”

You’re used to saying: “My husband coaches our son’s soccer team.”

Change it to:  “My son’s soccer coach is disgusting to look at. ”

You’re used to saying: “My husband is from Idaho.”

Change it to: “In my experience, people from Idaho are unable to pronounce ‘nuclear’ correctly.”

 

 

 

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10 thoughts on “Revising History

  1. IT’S “NUCULAR”, damnit.

  2. Ryan says:

    Uh, why is it all “husband”?

    • fancytramp says:

      Well, because we’re both straight women. So we don’t talk about our ex-wives much. Feel free to use your imagination though. When we say “husband” you can think “wife.” Sames goes for he/she, him/her, boyfriend/girlfriend. We’d like to be equal opportunity here, but it gets confusing.

  3. What tools did you use to redact the Ex Husband in the above? I’ve heard that if you don’t use the right stuff that scrubs the data, redactions can be recovered and you wouldn’t want that….I am just curious

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