You might have noticed that we’ve taken a bit of a hiatus. And we have. But now we’re back, so you can all take a deep breath and relax. You didn’t think we’d ever REALLY leave you, did you? Do you HONESTLY think we’re the kind of people to make a promise to be with someone and then just go back on that promise? Of course we aren’t.
While we’ve been gone, we’ve appreciated your many e-mails and Facebook messages. There seems to be a theme to your messages, and that theme is: tell us more about YOU. Well, as luck would have it, our very favorite subject about which to talk is ourselves. So today we answer YOUR questions about US.
FAQs:
1) How tall are you?: Together, We are about 10 feet 10 inches tall. Jessica is taller, so she is the “base” and Jeanne stands on her shoulders and wears all of the hats.
2) What is your favorite food?: Nachos. Every time one of us eats nachos we take a picture of the nachos. We are currently developing a new website called “Everyone Eats Nachos” that is just going to be a gallery of our nacho pictures. Stay tuned.
3) Do you answer all of your fan mail?: Almost all of it. Our fan mail goes through a very specific process. Basically, Jeanne checks our e-mail and sees that we have a new message. She reads it, says something along the lines of, “not this shit again,” and then closes it and completely forgets it exists. About a week later, Jessica will check the e-mail and find a bunch of read but unanswered messages. Then she responds to them all quickly. Except for the really really dumb ones. Feel free to e-mail us at everyonegetsdivorced@gmail.com if you want a message from Jessica in about one week.
4) Are you writing a book?: Of course we’re writing a book, don’t be stupid.
5) I think you are terrible people because you make light of marriage and marriage is important and marriage marriage marriage. : That isn’t a question at all. But to answer your non-question, shut your ugly face.
6) How long were you married?: Well, we’ve never been married to one another (yet), but our first marriages were approximately 4 years long when you add them together.
7) Are you just making these questions up? Are they even real?: HOW DARE YOU.
8) What would you do if you won the lottery?: Delete this website from the internet and our minds, and move to Disney World.
9) What’s on your iPod?: Jeanne’s iPod is in the washing machine because she’s a germaphobe or something. Jessica’s has a bottle of Gatorade on it because she’s using it as a coaster on her coffee table.
10) If you could meet any person, living or dead, who would you choose?: Jeanne: President Franklin Pierce. Jessica: Ignacio Anaya, the inventor of nachos.
iCoaster.
Everyone Gets Divorced 
How have you not taken over the world right now? Or at least one of the Koreas? This is the funniest thing I’ve ever read. And I’ve read a lot of things. You know, since the divorce.