You probably don’t write a Christmas letter. But we know you
weirdos very regular people are out there. And sometimes, when you look back on your life since last Christmas, it’s not all job promotions and weddings and fun vacations. Sometimes, the year is better summarized by crying and therapy and splitting up flatware. What we’re trying to say is that if you got divorced this year, your letter is going to suffer. That’s why we want to give you a few tips for writing a Christmas letter.
1. Avoid being too honest. That makes people uncomfortable. You got divorced this year? Fine. You can say that. But you should avoid using phrases like, “…and just when I thought 2012 couldn’t get any worse…” or “working through the betrayal.” Then again, you don’t have to mention your divorce at all. Consider just phasing your spouse out of the letter. People will probably get the idea after a few years.
2. Don’t go overboard trying to convince people that you’re FINE. Actually, BETTER THAN FINE. BEST YOU’VE EVER BEEN, REALLY. We see what you’re doing. If you want your ex to find out that you hiked Machu Picchu and you’re dating a model, do it the old-fashioned way and make an album on Facebook and change the privacy to “public.”
3. Don’t write a Christmas letter. Just send a card with a picture of you and your model boyfriend/girlfriend at Machu Picchu.
I love you girls! Divorce was final last week, and you two were such a tonic throughout the process. Excuse me whilst I make myself the other gin and tonic of the night…..
You’re welcome! We’re happy to be your tonic. We mix well with gin as well.
Happy freaking Christmas!
Same to you.