Asking Santa For a Divorce

The holidays are a stressful time.  They’re even more stressful if you’re trapped in a miserable marriage.  But if you’re into delaying the inevitable, as most of us are, you’re probably thinking that you’ll just wait until “after the holidays” to make any decisions.  And we understand that logic.  Mainly, because it demonstrates a lack of real logical thinking.  Because, if you think about it, there are always more holidays.  Sure, Christmas might be over, but then it’s New Years.  And then what about Valentine’s Day?  And, as you know, no one wants to get divorced when Flag Day is right around the corner.

But there are some practical aspects in deciding when the “right time” is.

Some things to consider:

1. Kids.  Do you have them?  Are you determined to give them one last magical happy family Christmas?  Okay. Fair enough. We know you’re not a monster.  Wait until January when everyone’s depressed anyway.

2. Future kids.  Do you happen to be a pregnant woman?  Are you insane?  You might be.  You may as well wait until the baby is outside of you.  If for no other reason, you’ll want to be able to drink safely when this all goes down.

3. Travel.  Are you flying somewhere for the holidays?  If so, is it with your spouse?  If so, are your plane tickets refundable?  Or can you at least make changes to your tickets for a nominal fee?

4. Gifts.  Have you already bought your spouse a gift?  Is it something you can return? If not, is it something you might like to keep for yourself?  Or, have you finally run out of ideas for gifts to give him/her and you figure that ending your marriage is your only option? On the flip-side, do you know what your spouse is getting you?  Maybe you accidentally went through their email and accidentally saw an order confirmation from Amazon?  Is this a gift you would still like to receive?  Think about it.

5.  In-laws.  Do you like them?  Would you maybe like one last chance to see them and say a goodbye (without telling them that you’re saying goodbye)? Or, do you hate them?  Do you hate them enough that the idea of NOT having to see them is reason enough to ask for a divorce?

6. Laziness.  Are you lazy?  Are you a big procrastinator, especially for unpleasant things like going to the DMV or paying medical bills?  If so, let’s face it – you’re definitely going to wait until after this holiday season.  You might even wait for several more holiday seasons to pass.

7. Miscellaneous. Does your husband normally dress up as Santa at your family’s Christmas party? Can you find a replacement on short notice?  Does your wife do all your gift wrapping? Do you have any idea how to wrap a gift? Do you always end up with an inch of box that is completely uncovered by paper?

So there you have it.  We can’t tell you what to do or when to do it.  But we’ve given you a lot to think about.  Just remember this: the time is never really right and no one cares how a gift is wrapped – it’s the inside that counts.

Nailed it.

 

 

 

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