Tag Archives: Pop Chips

Making Friends Post-Divorce

When you find yourself single again, part of the crippling loneliness you’ll experience is due to the fact that you have no friends. And even if you do have friends, you’re probably going to need more friends because you’re depressing and needy and you’re going to wear those friends out pretty quickly.

People always say things like, “‘I’m so lucky because I married my best friend,” as though it’s a GOOD thing. But here’s a tip for next time around –avoid marrying your best friend at all costs. It’s much better to have a best friend who cannot divorce you. When you’re going through a painful breakup, you’re going to want a best friend that can come over for dinner, and go to the movies, and listen to you cry, and bring you Sour Cream & Onion Pop Chips. And in all honesty, you might not have a best friend like that, because you were too busy being best friends with that person you married. You probably have a couple pretty good friends and some acquaintances, but it’s not enough. And no one is bringing you Pop Chips.

Now, unfortunately, you may have to be in charge of getting your own Pop Chips. And after you do that, it’s time to stop feeling sorry for your sad, sad self. You just have to get out there, and start making friends. IT IS HARD. Because you are an adult. And making friends as an adult is HARD. So here are some tips.

How To Make Friends, As An Adult:

  • Sign up for an improv comedy class. You will either make a couple of friends or, if nothing else, learn that you do not know how to pantomime mopping a floor. And that’s a valuable self realization.
  • Just go to law school. You probably don’t want to be a lawyer, but did you know that 90 percent of students enrolled in law school are only there because they don’t know how to make friends in a non-academic setting?
  • Learn to play tennis. If you can play tennis, there are always weirdos on Craiglist who are looking for random tennis partners. If you already know how to play tennis, you sound very cool and probably have lots of friends already.
  • Start taking one of those silly fitness classes. Like the one where you dance around and hump the air a lot. Zumba? I don’t know. I’ve never done it, but all I’m saying is I’ve seen those classes and I’m pretty sure that most of those people have no friends. So they’re in the same boat as you.

So to answer your question, “How do you make friends once you’re an adult and you’re not in school?” You don’t. You can only make friends if you are being instructed to do something. So get out there. Be taught. And make some friends who you do NOT end up marrying. For the love of God.

everyone gets divorced

Part of the healing process.

Tagged , ,
%d bloggers like this: