Chances are, if you’re reading this website, you’ve attended a wedding before. At the very least, you’ve attended your own wedding, and so you intimately know that weddings can be a horrible, horrible mistake. Maybe someone told you before you walked down the aisle that it was a bad idea, but maybe not. Even if someone did, you clearly didn’t listen (dummy!). So what happens when the shoe is on the other foot? When you are expected to attend—or even participate in—the wedding of one of your friends or family members, even though you KNOW they’re making a mistake. What can you do? Probably not much. But you can try. Here’s a Mad-Lib style form letter you can send to your loved one, to warn them. It’s the right thing to do:
Dear _____(name of friend or family member),
You know how much I _____(verb) you. We’ve been _____(relationship) for ____(number) years, and we’ve had a lot of ______(adjective) times together. I hope you know that I only have the ______(superlative adjective) wishes for your happiness and _______(feeling). I know that you and ______(fiance/e) have been together for _____(number) ______(years/weeks/days), and I think that’s ______(adjective). And I’m sure you’ve heard the statistics–you know that _____(number) percent of marriages end in_____(divorce/murder/murder-suicide). Now, it’s not that I THINK this will happen to YOU TWO! (lie). You and____(fiance/e) are SO much different than everyone else. But maybe, you should consider that there are still so many other people out there, like______(name of someone more attractive than his/her fiance/e). Or even, _______( name of his/her highschool boyfriend/girlfriend). Also. don’t forget that when you’re married, you will probably never be able to ______(name of his/her favorite activity) anymore! Like never again! I was talking to_____(fiance/e) the other day, and _____(he/she) told me that ___(he’d/she’d) never let you do that anymore. Anyway, I’m not trying to rain on your______(name of festival/parade). Want to come over later and we can talk about this over a pitcher of______(gin/rum)?