Well, as you may have heard, the Supreme Court struck down DOMA. To that we say, “Great! Now what are we supposed to do with our powers of defense??” Marriage is obviously a lost cause. But we’ve come up with some other things that still need defending.
5 Things You Can Defend Instead of Marriage:
Endangered Species:
You’ve probably been so worried about the crumbling institution of marriage that you’ve forgotten all about the Leatherback Sea Turtles and the Western Lowland Gorillas. The moral fabric of society is a lost cause! You might as well save some whales instead.
The Ozone Layer:
Remember this thing? There’s still a hole in it.
Baby Animals:
So tiny. So… DEFENSELESS.
Brussel Sprouts:
Honestly, they’re not bad.
Your Castle:
What? You don’t HAVE a castle? Oh boy. Did the gays take it from you?!
Everyone Gets Divorced 