Procrastinating is fine, for little things. Like filing your taxes or going to the post office or buying a new electric toothbrush head. But if you’re thinking about getting divorced/leaving your significant other, there’s no time like the present. And we know. WE KNOW. You can’t do it NOW. NOW ISN’T A GOOD TIME. Well, that’s probably true. And you’re always going to find excuses to stay with someone.
EXCUSES FOR STAYING TOGETHER:
1. You’re going to prom in 3 weeks.
2. You have a vacation planned in 2 months.
3. Thanksgiving is right around the corner.
4. Now Christmas is right around the corner.
5. You have plans for New Year’s.
6. Now Valentine’s Day is coming up and that seems sad.
See? It’s mostly holidays that are forcing us to be miserable. But there’s always going to be something coming up. And these are just the things you KNOW about. Unfortunately, in life, there are a lot of unpleasant surprises too. And if you’re unhappy in your relationship, chances are, that’s not going to change. But here are some things that CAN change. Because the thing is, there’s never a good time to leave someone. But there can always be a WORSE time to leave someone.
WORSE TIMES TO LEAVE SOMEONE:
1. After they get a speeding ticket.
2. After they lose their job.
3. After their cat dies.
4. After their father dies.
5. After they contract rabies.
So what are you supposed to do? Well, you can hope they drive carefully and take really good care of that cat and pray a lot and keep them away from suspicious raccoons. Or you can just bite the bullet and do what you probably need to do. Because once your boyfriend loses his job or your girlfriend’s cat dies or your husband’s parent becomes ill, you are STUCK, for an undetermined amount of time proportionate to whatever the tragedy is. And we know you’re not a terrible person. (Probably.) We know that you would feel bad for the normal reasons if any of these things were to happen. But on top of that, you’re not going to be able to leave for a while.
So stop procrastinating.
If you can just hang in there through the holidays, Mr. Boots…
Note to People Who Suspect Their Spouse Is Unhappy: If you think your spouse or significant other is close to leaving you, you can use this to your advantage. It’s manipulative, but it will delay the inevitable.
THINGS YOU CAN DO TO DELAY THE INEVITABLE:
1. Speed all the time.
2. Under-perform at your job.
3. Kill your cat.
4. Encourage every member of your family to “take up smoking.”
5. Hang out with suspicious raccoons.
Everyone Gets Divorced 