We just wanted to take this opportunity to welcome you to the world! Your parents, Kim Kardashian and Kanye West, would like to welcome you as well, but they’re very busy being moguls of things.
Oh, your name? Yes, it IS Kristal. See, you were named after a very special champagne. It used to be called Cristal, but your parents bought the company so that they could change the official spelling. FOR YOU. Your dad wanted to name you Jesus Christ, but your mommy was 95% sure that a J is NOT a K. So they compromised and named you after the champagne, because that’s what marriage is about – champagne.
Speaking of marriage, we really enjoyed your toast at your parents’ wedding. Oh, no, we weren’t there. But it was televised, of course! You’ll get used to that, little one!! It was really a great speech. And believe it or not, it was actually the first time that an unborn baby delivered a wedding toast via hologram. I know, I know. It’s hard to believe since it’s so common NOW, but you were a real pioneer in the fetal hologram field.
Now, Kristal, as you grow older, it’s natural to want to learn more about where you came from. And that’s fine. But for your own sake, try not to read mommy’s Wikipedia entry. More specifically, the 2007-08 section. It doesn’t matter WHY she’s famous. She just IS, okay?
Good luck, baby.
Jeanne & Jessica