How Do You Save Your Marriage?

More specifically:

Q: How do you save your marriage when your husband/wife doesn’t want to try?

A: You get a divorce.

That’s not meant to be funny.  And you probably aren’t laughing. This is a problem that many people face, and unfortunately, the real answer to the question is: you don’t. If the other person doesn’t want to try, there’s nothing more you can do.  You can’t just try twice as hard.  And why would you want to?  God, that’s so much trying.  And trying is just the worst.  If your marriage is in trouble, and the person you’re married to doesn’t seem to care, you should get out.  Get out now.  And save all that “trying” energy for something worthwhile.  Like, learning Chinese.  Or glassblowing.  Or starting a band.  Or doing Sudoku.  (Do people still do that?  Is that a thing you have to try at?  We don’t really know.)  The point is, your energy is better spent doing literally ANYTHING ELSE other than working on your marriage.  It sucks.  But you’ll be glad when you know Chinese and you’re not spending all your time and energy trying to save your marriage to a dummy.

FOR REFERENCE

A List of Other Things That Are NOT Worth Your Energy:

1) High School math – You’ll never use it.

2) Middle School math – You’ll only use it in high school.

3) Sometimes 5th Grade math — You will literally NEVER use an improper fraction.

4) Making cake “from scratch”– What is this “scratch” anyway? It sounds disgusting. Don’t bother mixing together your own sugars and sifting flour when you can buy cake mix for 97 cents that is perfect every time.

5) Trying to be a better person – YOU ARE FINE.

6) Trying to be more patient – Good idea. Have fun wasting your life, waiting around for stuff.

7) Working on forgiveness — Seems like a waste of time when you could channel that energy into despicable acts of revenge.

8) Having defined abs — Unless you star in informercials. Otherwise, dumb.
When you're on your death bed, you won't wish you had sifted more.

When you’re on your death bed, you won’t wish you had sifted more.

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5 thoughts on “How Do You Save Your Marriage?

  1. Nick says:

    Hahaha! One more thing that is not worth your energy: Making coffee in one of those stupid french presses. That’s why god made Starbucks, people!

  2. This is so true. I wasted years, trying to keep my marriage together and going, on my own and I would give anything to get that time back. If your spouse isn’t interested now, it’s likely not going to change down the road. Don’t waste your time, don’t put off what will eventually come. Get out!

    And I love numbers 4, 7 and 8!!

  3. Sue T says:

    Best marriage advice I’ve ever seen in print! The first question I asked my Ex was if he was willing to “try and work on things”. He said no. I said then you have to leave…….now. Great blog!

  4. Afra says:

    I needed to hear this… supporting my sister in her struggling marriage… at what point is it ok to walk away from your husband?

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