I think we’ll all remember where we were when we heard the news. The news that Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman are getting a divorce. I, Jeanne, was at my computer. Jessica also was at her computer.
We know it’s probably been a rough week for all of you. Sure, we know that everyone gets divorced. But not DeVito and Perlman! They’ve been married for so long! They’re so small! They’re so strange-looking! It’s impossible!
(*Fun fact: We originally wanted to buy the domain http://www.everyonegetsdivorcedexceptdannydevitoandrheaperlman.com.)
But, alas. It happened. (And we really dodged a bullet with the whole domain name.) But this isn’t about us. It’s about you. We know you’re hurting. And we’re here to console you. We’re here to console you about the life-altering separation of two tiny celebrities who you do not know.
- It is NOT your fault. Because you do not know Danny DeVito OR Rhea Perlman. And they do not know you.
- Just because Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman are getting a divorce does NOT mean that they do not love you. However, Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman do not love you and they never have. Because they don’t know you.
- Your life is not going to change drastically as a result of Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman’s divorce. You will not have to move to a new house or go to a new school. You can keep your beloved dog/cat too. This is because your life is, and always will be, entirely unaffected by the lives of Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman.
- You might feel better if you understood why this is happening. Unfortunately for you, it is unlikely that Danny DeVito and Rhea Perlman will ever fully explain it to you, because they don’t know or care who you are.